When I wake from this dream will you still be here? [entries|friends|calendar] Benjamin John Crooks [ website | My Myspace ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[Apr 17th, 05|2:03pm] so ive decided... drama = stupid. but what is funny is, LiveJournal is drama. Myspace is drama...fucking even AIM is drama. Everything anyone ever fucking does is drama...and thats why i cant stand being in fucking high school anymore. i honestly just want to drop out. go live downtown. and fucking take one person with me....who i know is beyond sick of drama. Megan McClure. lol. she's fed up with it. i kno. Since everyone loves drama...im going to start some maybe...on here...if anyone reads it and wants to fight...i wont fight...ill just sit and lauph...because your all so fucking gayyyyy. People at my school....there are probably 5 people i like. Matt, Luke, Danny, Sean, Zach...thats about fucking it. Everyone else can fucking suck my dick. You all are fucking idiots. Especially all of you girls that go to carmel. You are all WHORES! you try and so fucking cool. Especially the "punk" crowd at our school. FUCKING GAYYYYY you all are. Here is a list of people i like...if your not on it. You gay. your a bitch. you a fucking whore. you have aids. AND YEAH. you can go fuck yourselves. the dash 0's means how many fights ive been in with them.... Megan.-0 Ryan.-0 Matt.-maybe 1 Luke.-0 Danny.-0 Dave.-0 Dave.-0 Sean.-0 Zach.-0 Terry.-0 Kyle.-0 Jason.-0 Ben.-0 Toby.-0 Caitlin.-0 Thats it. so basically if you arnt one of them...unless i forgot you and then im really sorry...but most likely i fucking hate you. hahahahahah ....it sucks tho people. I have a feeling....after high school drama...its just college drama...then adult drama....i mean then you get married and fight and get divorced....so really what the fuck is the point in being friends with anyone... turn gothic everyone. goodbye. lol. 9 are under control | So you do what they tell you

[Mar 19th, 05|1:43pm] [ music | mewithoutYou ] Alright. Ladies and Gentleman, boys and girls. Its been how flippin long since ive updated my livejouranl...and actually wrote about something. ahh i dont know millions of YEARS MAYBBE!!! lemme tell you the low down, on wats goin on in mY life... Surrender The Age is getting many shows. Next weekend we play two and im really excited. We are also playing with In The Face of War in a while. Im so pumped. You all should really check us out... www.surrendertheage.com www.hxcmp3.com www.myspace.com/surrendertheage Last night we played a Battle of the Bands at Eagle Church in zionzville and sum fucking pop punk band who sucked won and well idk. we freeked out and our vocalist couldnt make it :( ...BUT!!! i met this girl, not at the show, but she came with me. Her name is Britney. Shes a pretty little girl and i hung out with her all night. after the show we went back to her house...we went to starbucks and talked about being high and stuff haha it was funny. then we met her WEIRD friends at Taco Bell...this one kid kept lookin at me...weird. huh. anyway i slept at her house last night and it was amazing even tho i only got 2 hours of sleep. ehh oh well. im not really tierd. now im home and not with her. BLAH! sooo here is the last thing ill write about...i wrote a poem.song. watever. just lyrics...words...idk...read it bitches. (reminded my friend of mewithoutYou) As you lay, in a bed full of sorrows and fears. You cut me deep, and I watch myself bleed, on this concrete floor. Cold and Quiet, you are dying and i can not go on anymore. I came to your funeral, but i didnt see the casket nor the ones who loved .you. as Deeply as I do. Then the skies they turned dark and grey and I layed my precious head upon the sandstone rock enscribed with your name Memories disapear, life seems a genrous gift, for only a few years, and ended the day you left. I came to your funeral, but i didnt see the casket nor the ones who loved .you. as Deeply as I do. HAHA YAY! <3333 2 are under control | So you do what they tell you

everyone go to surrender the age on saturday [Mar 1st, 05|4:23pm] So you do what they tell you

[Dec 16th, 04|7:18am] i wish i was with my megan and not going to school 1 are under control | So you do what they tell you

sitting in class [Dec 13th, 04|11:41am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Should Have Stayed In The Shallows ] im here in business class...doing nothing. we have this project, and im not doing it right now...its a huge project and weve had like 5 days in the computer lab, but i havnt done shit. soo here is what ive been thinking about a lot lately. megan thinks smoking is disgusting...and even though she says she really doesnt care. we talked about it for a while last night, and i understand why she wouldnt believe im quiting. i did lie to her about it the first time...i told her that i would tell her when i smoke, but i never did....but for sum reason this time is different...i want to quit. i dont know why really...i mean its because i dont want to do it if it makes megan unhappy, but i mean my body has just had no desire to smoke in the past like week. so here it is...im quiting. i dont know why everyone smokes, because i also realize that when im like 25 and smoking still ill be like smoking a pack and half a day or something, and ill basically be killing myself and thats stupid, i need to quit while i can. but i have had no desire to smoke a cigarette. i hope everyone helps me out and doesnt push me or even offer me anything. ...anyway.... its almost christmas break, and i know what im getting megan, but i dont know what to get anyone else. i really dont have many freinds that deserve presents from me...but i do have a few...and im not sure what to do....i dont have that much money...and i need to save it for a new amp...everyone else in my band is practically gunna be spoiled this christmas...which isnt really a bad thing...luke is getting a new fucking P.A. haha...jeff is getting a 5150 stack...ryan a new cab that will sound sex with his new marshall head...my parents dont spoil me unfortunatly so i really wont get anything good for x-mas, which is okay all i want is clothes, but my parents cant pick out cute clothes...because they think i dress like a gay guy. hahahah. yesh im gay? i think not....unless megan is secretly a guy. weird. hahah anywayz im thinking about just typing for like the whole fucking period. that would be retarded, but kinda funny, no one actually reads these livejournal entries i do, so i could like talk a bunch of shit about everyone i know, and you fuckers wouldnt know! lol. serves you right for not reading this....see now im just like typing when i really dont need to be. """""Lets coke like we're vacuums and dance our troubles away before we drive our cars off bridges. Ladies and gentlemen. Boys and girls. Lets pry her ribs open. And bathe in her chest""""" <3Fear Before The March of Flames<3 megan really is gettin me into this fear before...ive been listening to them a lot. i really dont think i need to type anymore since no ones reading... Byeeeeeeeeeeee x 5 are under control | So you do what they tell you

[Dec 12th, 04|10:27pm] So you do what they tell you

[Dec 12th, 04|9:57pm] [ music | the chariot ] just sittin here online...trying to book a show for my band this weekend...with elijah...who knows if itll happen....if it does, its saturday so id have to get off work...and im jsut waiting for megan to get home because i want to talk to her....im so bored when like im not talking to megan or hanging out with megan....like seriously, all my friends are ghay...i realize all that they do is smoke, sit around, and then smoke....its so stupid....i mean ryan is fun and i need to hang out with him WAY more...but my friends are ghay. megan is not gay however...shes a little BUTT FACE but shes my favorite<333 So you do what they tell you

[Dec 11th, 04|9:36am] [ music | the bled ] its saturday. im at megans<3 i came over here about 8:30 haha and we slept...she was completely out. i messed with her a bit while she was sleeping, but she was so asleep she didnt notice. i could only sleep until like 10 i dont know why, but i just kinda watched TV while she slept. she just got done taking a shower...look at how CUTE she is...even if shes a little sick...awwwww she is all sittin on the bed. adorable. she makes me so happy. haha shes getting pissed because im looking at her. o well. im gunna go lay with her. byee byee 1 are under control | So you do what they tell you

[Dec 10th, 04|7:09am] [ mood | its tooo early ] [ music | Unearth ] about to go to school. then to megans! <3 So you do what they tell you

[Dec 9th, 04|3:27pm] [ mood | tierd. ] [ music | The Ropes of Iscariot ;) ] same thing as yesterday. just got home from school and im about to go to work...fun huh? lets see if i have any exciting story besides my hair is being ghayyy today... ohhh well i guess this an exciting story... im quiting smoking. if anyone see's me wanting a cigarette do not give me one or let me smoke one... im quiting because its disgusting, and megan hates it. i dont need to be doing something thats gunna make megan upset with me and its bad for me and i shouldnt be doing it in the first place... but my story is today in business class we watched a whole hour video on cigarettes...it was the ghayyest thing ever i wanted to smoke sooo bad...so after school i like ran to my car so i couldnt ask anyone for any...thats what i figured i have to do...oviously not buy any, but kinda just try and stay away from them so i cant have the chance....im really trying to quit this time....there is no lying about it....its just over. time for work. BEN<3 1 are under control | So you do what they tell you

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